CHAOS ROCK REVIEWS

[Cold Chaos]

NARUTO ULTIMATE NINJA STORM

Back on my Myspace I did an assortment of video game reviews with charm, wit, and grace now you RPers can experience the love in this installment I meant to do before I... well hacked off that worthless waste of time and since this is a Naruto/Yu-Gi-Oh site I figured this would be most appropriate so sit back and enjoy...

The Ultimate Ninja Series for Naruto has always brought an interesting approach to the standard and... well dull experience Clash of Ninja always brought but with the PS3 out everyone was expecting something gorgeous since the other installments have always been for PS2. Enter Ultimate Ninja Storm a game that puts the MAN in manga. seriously the in game and cut scene graphics look so life like (well more anime like) the characters look so animiristic (Adjective: a term used to describe the anime look of in game characters) that I sometimes forget I'm watching a game and think I'm just watching the show. The combat is also vibrant, the fighting requires quick reflexes, cunning strategy, and manipulative intellect (kinda like the show WHICH IS THE POINT) to beat your opponent. You fight in a huge field for you to explore using shurikins (the square buttons), evasive maneuvers ( ex button), regular punches (circle), and chakra moves (triangle + any other face button) or even the field itself knocking opponents up walls, in water, and in the air making this game possibly one of the prettiest anime fighting game to come out. however your not alone in your quest to be the greatest fighter in your house, not only can you pick one of 50 characters ranging from the Chunin Exam ark to the Rescue Sasuke ark but you can pick two other characters to be your team mates making cool and weird fan teams and match-ups (nerd: now my dream of Itachi, Sasuke, and Naruto v.s. Orochimaru, Sarutobi, and the log will come true) making this game A Marvel v.s. Capcom clone only in 3-D and you can only call your team mates to do one specific attack then they leave to go get a dough-nut while you do all the hard work winning the fight. However the special attacks and the evasive maneuvers add to the games beauty (what other Naruto game does Itachi use his Tsukoyomi to crush his opponent WITH THE MOON) and makes the lack of combos more enjoyable since the fight ends if you use you "ultimate" attack in your Rage mode(built up by continuous beating of the opponent) so you'll at least like the combat for a good long time. So other then being a M V.S. C clone this game has other negative aspects... like the sad excuse for a story mode. Let me explain, while most anime games either play through the story or make one up they'll have cut-scenes to split up the fights, in this game they have you explore a 3-d remake of Konahagakure. Now that sounds nice but when thats "IT" then it just gets boring going from rooftop to rooftop, (which is the most exciting part of this joyful romp) collecting item's, and getting money. You can just skip it though and still get secret characters like Kimimaru, Itachi, and Kabuto but you have to do the other stuff so you can get their special moves so if you skip all that mission bull then you won't have any affective bullets for your gun if you know what I mean. The only good aspect of this mission mode are the story cut-scenes which only happen for the boos battles (theres three in all Gamabunta, Shikaku/Gaara, and Manda/Orochimaru) and they all look amazing. The music, the dialog, the graphics all set the mode for these giant battles of destiny almost making up for having to go through all that mission junk but also once again making it seem more like a Naruto game rather then another Tekken but with energy beams and logs.

So in conclusion Naruto Ultimate Ninja Storm has pretty graphics and a fancy combat system the game has a bland story mode who's only good aspect is platforming and having some of the most amazing pre-boss cut scenes you will ever see. Naruto Ultimate Ninja Storm gets a 7.5 out of 10. Now if you'll excuse me I need to try and make a clone "Shadow Clone Jutsu"... darn.

[Cold Chaos]

MORTAL KOMBAT V.S. DC UNIVERSE

I just have to say one thing before I begin, no I did not make this up, thank you and enjoy the review.

When writing a fan fiction you would probably think "what would happen if this was a game or a t.v. show" well when your someone like Ed Boon who has money, a game development company, and Warner Bros. approval to the license then you to could make a game like Mortal Kombat V.S. DC Universe. Well what better way to start this then with the story (cause the title doesn't feel like explaining)? Well it takes place after... Well I can't say when in the two universes this takes place "is it after The Dark Knight" no "is it after MK3" no "Is it after-" NO it just happens theirs no movie, game, not even a book that preludes to this event's come upings so I guess I just say what happens. So in the DC universe Superman just stopped Darkseid's 13^th consecutive invasion and was on his way home when Superman (the jerk that he is) blasts Darkseid's teleportation device, jumbling his corourdenince and sending him to another galaxy. While on the MK side Shao Kahn (yes "KAAAAAAAAAAAHHHNNNN") just finished his 50^th consecutive invasion and while he was just trying to leave Raiden (being just as jerky) used his lightning to blast Shao Kahn while he was busy chanting to summon his portal thus discombobulating HIS corourdenince and sending HIM to another galaxy AT THE SAME TIME AS DARKSEID, This unforeseen, unbelievable, and completely insane coincidence causes the two universes to collide and fuses the two victims of jerkiness to fuse into one being called Dark Kahn (did that make any sense to anyone). Now story mode offers somthing I like to call SA syndrome which is a very helpful and profitably disease that gives your game two story's to chose from (MK or DC) where each chapter of the story you play as a certain character that fits the story, one point you'll play as Lex Luther, then Cat Woman, then Death Stroke(who), but since you don't see what happens between this offers enough re playability to at least play the other story, lets just say a "clown prince" fights a "Black Dragon" for people who know their stuff. So the story IS confusing but at least makes sense enough to be a good fan fic but do you expect Ed Boon to let his home boy Scorpion to lose to a guy who's gimmick is running relay relay fast (don't we have a hedgehog for that) well to be honest you will have a couple of nerd rage moments (LIKE SUB-ZERO WOULD LOSE TO WONDER WOMAN!!!!!!!!!!!) but others will just give you nerd-gasams (YEAH BATMAN KICK THAT RAIDEN'S THUNDER POWERED BUTT) but speaking of rage we should move on to the fighting. The fighting is your basic 3-D fighter you move in 2-D with the control pad and 3-D with the joy stick (FINLAY) and just... fight, what more can I say you punch with square (ohhhhhhhhhh exciting)well I can mention with every beating you get Rage. What is Rage? well you use it to give your character an edge. guy beating you up? use half of your Rage to combo break him. Need to finish him now? fill your Rage bar to enter Rage mode where you have enhanced strength, can break guards, and DEFLECT PROJECTILES. Well this game does sound good for an MK fighter but it has one major flaw the Fatalities (Mortal Kombats gimmick bad? how can this happen) well if you look at the box you'll see it's Teen rated so that means T rated Fatalities. So how does it work? Well when you win you put a code in when the announcer says FINISH HIM(HER) you see a cinematic of your character killing the other character (Sub-Zero: Can you be cold Batman. Me: *groan* Batman and Robin) now that sounds mature already but Midway found a way to sissify this concept with stuff like Scorpion setting a guy on fire or Lu Kang crushing a guy with a Mortal Kombat Arcade Console (child friendly I know)but this scene of awsomeness is only for MK characters and DC villains (seriously WHO IS DEATH STROKE) while DC hero's have Brutality's (the same thing but your left to believe someone can survive being pounded in to the dirt literally).

So even with it's weird story, lake of good characters (AWWWWWW I wanted to burn Aqua man alive)(I just found out Death Stroke is the comic version of Slade from Teen Titans)(Wheres Bane He's awsome), and T rated death moves (cause if we snap someones neck in a video game Jack Thompson will have a fit[wait a minute he was fired HA] and so will the soccer moms) It's a solid fighter with classic MK fighting elements (like juggling and leg sweeping your opponent till he gets mad and throws the controller at you) and of course two story's where Superman and Raiden work together to fight an interdenominational god in the nexus between dimensions (I wish I could make something like that up) So Mortal Kombat V.S. DC Universe wins Friendship and an 8 out of 10. Now if only Jo Schumacher and Tim Burton were playable characters (Tim: "Freeze well in HELL". Me:"Tim Burton wins Fatality")

[kayoticharlequin]

Sweet Jesus, man...

[Cold Chaos]

well I have a voice that needs to be heard (next week [hopefully] Naruto Shipuuden Ninja Council 4)

[kayoticharlequin]

ooh, fun

[Cold Chaos]

so what do you think

[Cold Chaos]

NARUTO SHIPPUDEN NINJA COUNCIL 4

Wow with Naruto coming a long way since his first game, Ninja Council on the GBA the little ramen lovers gone to go where no anime has gone before. the DS (well thats not relay true [shut up]). Now with out wait lets pop this sucker in... where's the game *ring**ring* excuse me. Hello (so rude[shut up]).... Well It seems my office (house [shut up]) hasn't gotten the game yet but don't worry I have something to entertain you (what are you going to jingle your keys [shut up]). um *RUMBLE* *SHUFFLE* *CRASH* aw shoot... um.. aha.
instead:
ENCHANTED ARMS (thats the best you got[shut up])

During the Xbox 360's rise to power Japan decided to test this consoles power with a new RPG called Enchanted Arms...It blew chunks in sales. how can you blame them the Xbox was all about shooters an online gaming. Just mention a JRPG to an Xbox owner and they'll rip you a new one with their plasma rifle. However shortly after the game came out it was ported to the PS3 because... well we needed games at the time and besides Sony loves Japan just look at how popular Square Enix got when they made Final Fantasy 7 for the Playstation. So Enchanted Arms.... what more can I say (how about the story[shut up])Well the story (as best as he can remember[shut up]) is that you and your best firend live in the futuristic and mythical city of Yokohama... wait a minute...*looks it up on google* IT'S A REAL PLACE (amazing now tell me more info that will make me deaf[shut up]). So yeah all the places in this game aren't mystical at all their just magical versions of Japanese city's so much for fictitious elements. Anyhow you play a mild manner youth named Atsuma who goes to Enchantment school with his nerdy yet popular firend Toya and his obviously "stuck in the closet" firend Makoto. God thats the first problem with this game, all the characters came strait out of Stereotype U. you've got the spunky youth main character, the nerd that everyone writes yaoi about, and the guy that might be from a yaoi... all thats left is a love interest, an "honer" bound warrior, and an obnoxious, annoying, and relay out of place little kid... wait *looks at instruction booklet* WOW... rrrrrrrrrrrraaaaaaggggghhhhh *one therapy session later* . So yeah back to business. So they go to magic school where they learn... well how to do magic (I didn't see it coming[shut up]) you know this sort of sounds like what would happen if an Ouran High school Host Club crossover with Harry Potter ever existed AND IT NEVER WILL...*another therapy session later* back to the story. One day Atsuma feels a strange voice calling to him so he drags his friends to follow him and they come across the evil Golem (more on that later) Queen of Ice(how original[shut up]) who kills Makoto, kidnaps Toya, and takes all your memory's (fun day huh[shut up]). If you want to know the rest play it your self cause I can't deal with how terrible the writing is? Now the combat... well thats easy basically you and a team of 3 move about on a 3X4 grid while your opponents move on a 3X4 grid opposite yours. You take turns moving your men (or women[shut up]) and select their moves, where their going to be on the board, and if their going to use items or not... then you do the stuff causing damage to the bad guys... then they do it (wait teacher it's to complex[shut up]). So the combat does get repetative... FAST but is made up for by having Golem(mon[shut up]). basically Golems are the robot version of Pok'emon... and that's all you need to know.


So in conclusion Enchanted Arms sucks (didn't you say that at the beginning[shut up]) the story is bland an unimaginative and the characters are just the same, the environments are just copy pastes of locations in better RPG's with names from other Japanese locations, the combat gets old QUICK and theirs nothing to shape it up other then Gol'emon(I call copyright [shut up]) and it just... blows, sucks, stinks, it licks the bottom of a horse shoe after three weeks of wondering in a dumpster AND I NEVER WANT TO SEE IT AGAIN!!!!!!!! ENCHANTED ARMS GETS A 4 OUT OF 10 NOW WHERE'S MY PSYCHIATRIST!!!!!!!

[PandaChan21]

God nerd fit much? CX

I agree, it does suck. So not worth the ten bucks I paid at Gamestop for it...I knew something was up when I found it in the bargain bin!!!

[Cold Chaos]

I paid 20 at that EYA or somthing store at the mall by six flags.

Besides life is more fun with NERD RAGE!!!!!!!

[kayoticharlequin]

@_@

[Cold Chaos]

COMING SOON TO A NERD WHO HAS FAAAR TOO MUCH TIME ON HIS HANDS (shut up)

IT'S THE ULTIMATE FF RETROSPECT

SEE ONE NERD, ONE MAN, ONE GOD

TAKES DOWN WHAT HAS BEEN CONSIDERD THE GREATEST CREATION SQUARE ENIX HAS PUT OUT FOOOOOOOOOR EVVVVVVVVVVER

IN FAVOR OF A GOOD SLIGHTLY UNDERAPRECIATED GAME

THE NERD RAGE OF THE CENTURY

FINAL FANTASY 7 RETROSPECT V.S. THE FINAL FANTASY 9 RETROSPECT

COMING....EVENTUALY
this is another Chaos Rock Review

[Cold Chaos]

Naruto Shippuden Ninja Council 4 (this time for sure)

What do I have to say about this game that doesn't fills me with nothing but anger, hate, and rage. Pretty much nothing. I hate everything about this game soooooo much I can't even begin to describe all the dumb mistakes they did with the story, combat, and platforming. So how about the story? It's just the rescue Gaara arc in Shippuden...thats it Naruto comes back from his training with Jiraiya, Gaara gets kidnapped by Sasori and Deidara, and Naruto goes to save him THATS IT. Sure you have fights like Gaara versus Deidara, Kankuro Versus Sasori, and Lee versus Kisame but some of these fight you just wish you could play as the Akatsuki members you were fighting (I mean we know Gaara's going to lose to Deidara anyway so why force us to play as him) It would have been much more fun. In fact their are alot of characters you can't play as in the single player game like Tsunade, Might Guy, and ANY Akatsuki member.To play as them you need to convince one of your friends to buy the game, play through it, buy all the characters, and still fight you in multi player mode so you can play as them. THATS JUST DUMB.One final complaint about the story is that Granny Chio is their, let me explain, they have a sprite of her in game, you see it during cutscens, but not once do you fight with her, as her, or against her, SO WHY HAVE HER IN THE GAME WHEN SHE DOESN'T DO ANYTHING .Another complaint are the controls. All you do is move forward hit X on the DS pad to punch, A to jump, B to run, and Y to throw a weapon(if you have one)pretty average but when you have to put this into combat you may notice you have no means to defend yourself so when a ninja throws a kunai at you you can't block it and the controls are to sluggish to dodge properly so you will get hit...ALOT. The platforming is also a joke. the only way to jump properly is to run first then jump but when run is assigned to a button rather then done automatically it starts to hurt your thumbs after playing for hours. The fights are also horrible when doing platforming, you see if your wall jumping and an enemy is above you he will just knock you down over and over and just irritate you, but when you FINALLY kill him you try to jump on to the cliff but the platforming makes it so you hit your head on the ceiling and fall to the ground and guess what that guy you killed RE SPAWNS SO YOU HAVE TO DO IT AGAIIIIIIINNNN!!!! Your only real way to fight effectively is to use your teammates that you get to pick at the beginning of each chapter (all they do is use one of their jutsus and leave you to die until a certain bar fills up) so you can have some one use healing jutsu(which you will spam ALOT because once again NO WAY TO BLOCK) to keep you alive or have someone kill a tricky enemy for you.

So to recap. Story, a HORRIBLE RENDITION OF AN ALREADY GOOD STORY ARC. Combat, SUCKS. Platforming, WILL MAKE YOU WANT TO KILL THE INNOCENT. So to say this game sucks, it's balls hard because the platforming sucks,one more time no way to defend yourself, and finally it's just stupid to force you buy another copy just so you can play as the GOOD CHARACTERS. SO NARUTO SHIPPUDEN NINJA COUNCIL 4 GETS A 4 OUT OF 10(by a Flynn)GOODNIGHT AND DROP DEAD CEILINGS.

[Cold Chaos]

Dissidea Final Fantasy (on PSP)

Well to tell the truth that's not the real title. (well what do you want) Mmmmm it should say

Dissidea Final Fantasy (demo)

O.K. thats better.

Dissidea Final Fantasy is the latest in a line of franchise spanning fighting games where charecters from a video game franchise ducke it out for supremacy no mater how crazy the story is or with any regard for the mythos of the franchise (perfect example Super Smash Bros.).I will say I was impresed with the gameplay since it's a demo and no story has realy been revealed. As a demo you can only play arcade mode where you chose one of 5 charecters from the Final Fantasy(they say which game their from so you don't look like a noob when they talke about how awsome said game was) universe and play an easy training difficulty and a fun hard mode. Once you pick your difficulty your thrown into the battle with basic instructions, their be oponent, hit till dead. O.K. the combat is more fun then that you hit your enemy with the circle button to fill your "Bravery Gauge" and once it's full enough you can hit him with the square button to use a special attack unique to the charecter (Sephiroth from 7 will use his Octaslash, Zidane from 9 will use his Grand Leathel move that sort of stuff) and depending on the number on your Bravery Gauge you will cause that sort of damege to his or her HP (some charecters have higher HP then others so possible leveling up in the game is yet to be determined) other then that the control is basic stuff for a PSP. I could mention other stuff like R does this gaurd move that opens your opponent to an attack if they try to hit you while they do it. While holding the button you can push ex and move the anolog stick(more like stump am I right) to do a flying evasive move like Dragon Ball Z.

So as of now the game looks fairly promising since I'm still playing the game (come on Cross Slash Cross Slash O.K. keep taping Circle and OMNI SLASH FOOL) and if the game does offer new moves and weapons to use throughout the game it may live long enough to warent a sepual with more fighters (I want Seymour from 10 next time his boss fight was awsome and his theme is richous) So for now Dissidea Final Fantasy gets a 7 out 0f 10. Come on keep tapping circle and SUPER NOVA SUCKA

[Cold Chaos]

Wow after several days...weeks...ok months it's good to be back in the review seat and...hey whats that on the T.V. (HELLO CHAOS) AGGGGHH (I WANNA PLAY A GAME) come on Jigsaw lets face it your traps and movies for that matter suck (SILENCE) ok you don't have to yell (YOU REVIEW GAMES BECAUSE YOU FIND THAT TORTURING OTHER GAMES MAKES UP FOR YOUR LACK OF A GIRLFRIEND) Isn't that the case with every other online reviewer (YOU SIT IN JUDGMENT OF VIDEO GAMES WELL NOW THE VIDEO GAMES WILL SIT IN JUDGMENT OF YOU AS YOU PLAY MY GAME

SAW
ON THE PLAYSTATION 3 AND XBOX 360)
Wait is this a movie tie in game because we all know the rules of gaming right.
RULE 50 OF GAMING: ALL MOVIE TIE IN GAMES MUST SUCK
Hello? You there? Oh well might as well play. LATER THAT NIGHT.
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH. THIS GAME IS THE BANE OF ALL EXISTENCE TO VIDEO GAMES. IT'S THE ANTI CHRIST OF SURVIVAL HORROR. IT TAKES MOVIE TIE IN TO THE EXTREEEEEEEEEEEEMMMMMMMMMM!!!!!!!! Whoa now with that out of the way lets review. First lets mention the story. You play as that detective from Saw 1 (what were you expecting research) as he's captured by Jigsaw and must fight to "BREAK HIS ADDICTION WITH THE JIGSAW CASE" and of course stay alive (because that has to be in EVERY scary game)but the main problem is... thats it no twists, no buddy to betray you, no important characters dieing (isn't that the point of a slasher movie) in fact the opposite happens you SAVE people from Jigsaw. The only good thing going for the story is the two endings but even then it's not that good (imagine a good and bad ending like in most games but replace the good ending with an even worse ending[kinda like an actual Jigsaw challenge...but lame][I HEARD THAT CHAOS]). Now lets move on to the combat...Silent Hill ripoff ok next page (Chaos). Fine the combat works by just using one attack button to punch or use a weapon that you may pick up but why would you want to when you punch someone they fly back like 3 miles and are stunned longer the Punch Out opponents. Now I'm sure you wondering...WHY THE BLOOMING F IS THEIR COMBAT IN A SERIES ABOUT TORTURE. Well it's simple Jigsaw put a key in your...somewhere (lets just say your anus for comedy sake cause shoving this game up their would have been more fun) and everyone wants it cause lets face would you want to live through a Saw movie. The last thing to mention about the combat are traps. through out your joyful romp through Jigsaws ware house you'll find stuff...and then you do things with that stuff to make a trap, then you set it and wait for some chump to walk into it and die... why would I use this feature when my bare fists can send a guy into the atmosphere Team Rocket style(in short you will never use this). Whats even worse is the level design every area just looks like a bad Silent Hill level (makes sense looking at the developers). Finally we get into the scare factor. Well this games gimmick for scares is by having instant kill traps littered all around the game. This would be scary if all the traps weren't copy paste so many time. Basically have five traps. Shotgun by the door, toilet full of syringes, fuse box, and timing screws. THATS IT AND WHEN YOU REALIZE THAT THEIS TRAPS ARE AS EASY TO BEAT THEN A 12 POUND STAKE WITH A MEAT TENDERIZER THE SIZE OF YOUR HEAD THE ONLY THING SCARY ABOUT THIS GAME IS HOW LAZY THE DEVELOPERS WHERE WITH THIS GAME PLAY DESIGN.

(SO WAS MY GAME SCARY. DID IT MAKE YOUR FLESH CRAWL, OR MAKE YOU HOWL IN TERROR, DID YOU...UGH WERE ARE YOU GOING) HOME because the only thing worse then playing your game is sitting their listening to a haze been slasher killer try to make it sound awsome. This game is about as tired and old as the series based on it. Saw the tie in game of tie inness gets 2 tie ins out of 10. GOOD NIGHT JIGSAW *SLAM*. (WELL...THIS IS AWKWORD...DO ANY OF YOU WANT TO SEE ME MAKE THIS DOLL DO THE TRUFFLE SHUFFLE...NO...OK...I'M STILL A GREAT SERIES RIGHT).